Am I a visitor or a member?

Yesterday, Sunday, as usual, I went to my home church. A funny thought came out in my mind. Was just thinking am I a visitor of my church in Labuan or am I a member?

Everytime, when I go to church, I will fellowship around as what usual Christian does, but, at the end, I am just all alone. Just like my youth advisor, though I went to Youth for only two or three years out of my five years youth, I am not as close with her as my relationship with the other brothers and sisters in Perth and Miri. I just feel like I am all alone in this church. With lots of aunties and uncles looking at how I have grown from a little girl to who I am today, but my relationship with them is like just a 'touch-and-go' relationship. It's so different things here in Labuan compared to my church in other places. I enjoyed all the fellowship I have over there and enjoy serving the Lord together in different ministries. I have brother Kenin and sister Stella to grow together. Though we stumble at times, but we are there to encourage each other in our walk with Christ. But here in Labuan, I just don't enjoy the fellowship, or can be said I don't fellowship in Labuan. Some of the people here are so hypocrite and I just feel like escaping from church! But I know I can't coz that's my home church, my own Anglican church and that's the place where Christian gathers together and fellowship. But... but... I just don't want to fellowship in such a place and all I feel is lazy or so called not-in-the-mood to serve.

At the time when I just feel not going to church after this week, the sermon presented by Pastor Soo Jean entitled "Finishing well" reminds me of my walk with Christ. I should not have just given up in the middle of the walk, but continue with perseverance for God and be strong in grace. After reading the Purpose Driven Life written by Rick Warren also reminds me of how important for every Christans to get involved in the local church.

Below are a few passages from the bible that I found encouraging:
'You are members of God's very own family, citizens of God's country, and you belong in God's household with every other Christian.' Ephesians 2:19b

'You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor' James 3:18

But from what I have read from the book, I don't find it much applicable in my church. Like for example, a church family will help keep you from backsliding. Yea, it applies only when Sabrina was in Labuan. Last year, out of 12 weeks, I guess I just went to church for 3 or 4 times, but no one cares. No one keep accountability of me for being there in church, just like what I have done to keep accountability of the other cell members to church every week. Not here in Labuan, no one cares whether you are there or not. I know it's not about you and the people around, is all about you and God, but I just don't feel like being appreciated here.

I don't experience real fellowship in Labuan like what Rick Warren has written in his book.
In real fellowship, people experience authenticity. I never have a heart-to-heart talk with the people there, neither do they share their hurts, reveal their feelings, confess their failures, disclose their doubts....Neither do I experience mutuality.

10 more Sundays to go. God, please grant me strength to pull through this 10 weeks.

Tagged

Part 1: On the Outside
Name : Sheron
Date of Birth : 21 February 1987 - turning 21 next year.. So, you guys know what to do??
Current Status : in a relationship
Eye Colour : black
Hair Colour : black & some dark red
Righty or Lefty : Righty
Zodiac Sign : pisces

Part 2: On the Inside
Your Heritage : Chinese
Your Fear : God, loneliness, failure
Your Weakness : counselling, no motivation to attend last minute events
Your Perfect Pizza : Little Caesars' dessert pizza

Part 3: Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up : Oh no, I'm late again!
Your bedtime : 11pm-12am
Your most missed memory : Form 5 and my study period in Miri

Part 4: Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : both
McDees or Burger King : McDees
Single or Group Dates : Group
Adidas or Nike : Adidas
Lipton Tea or Nestea : Nestea
Chocolate or Vanilla : both
Cappucino or Coffee : neither

Part 5: Do You...
Smoke : nope
Curse : not really

Part 6: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol : yes, in social events
Gone to the mall : yea
went to Borders : nope
Been on stage : yes, during the JCLA speech
Eaten sushi : yea, miss Jet's sushi
Dyed your hair : highlighted

Part 7: Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game : nope
Changed who you were to fit in : erm.. i think so

Part 8:
Age you're hoping to be married : 26-28

Part 9: In A Guy/Girl
Best Eye colour : blue
Hair colour : black
Short or long hair : definitely short

Part 10: What Were You Doing?
1 minute ago : =typing this
1 hour ago : = checking emails
1/2 hours ago : checking facebook
1 month ago : studying in the library I guess..haha
1 year ago : 1st year of uni - 2 sem exam. "studying" in Poly's house

Part 11: Finish The Sentence
I love : eating various food
I feel : lazy
I hate : no one and nothing
I hide : my true self
I miss : all the sweet memories that God has given to me
I need : to go home and study